That which we are capable of feeling, we are capable of saying.

-- Cervantes

This post, online journal, 'blog', whatever you want to call it; has taken a wrong turn. I'm here to change it back, before it goes too far. I'm like the guys big companies hire to 're-think' the companies direction. Only difference; I'm very anti-cheese. Meaning, I don't like 'purpose statements'. The only time I would use a purpose statement, is to mock them. But, I will say that this was not for posting randomness, or meaningless trite crap. The last posts being just that. See, this 'blog' -- I suppose I will stick with the hip webspeak for simplicity. This blog was a kind of experiment. I have been told, that I have a problem communicating. That I don't let people get close to me, to know me. For years I didn't let myself believe it. I knew it... I knew why I would talk about nothing all the time. It had nothing to do with the Sienfeld show, only with masking myself to the world. I would rather people didn't know how I felt, so I may escape the pain of rejection. I fear rejection more than anything... No loss, no heartache could compare. Well, that's the way it works in my fears... Not necessarily in reality.


Throughout my life things, instances, and people have shaped me into what I am today. I have finally realized, indeed, I do suck at communication. This realization came slowly, starting with my friends and I joking about not keeping in touch. But, it was still no big deal to me. Those people were far away at college. I'm not going to keep them in the loop of my all-too-boring life. But more lessons came... Some hit closer to home. Thus, the institution of this very 'blog'. It was to be a kind of 'practice' at being more open. A training ground of sorts. And even here on the 'net, I try my same old tricks. And I'm sorry. Not that the few readers of this will be offended, I'm just sorry to myself. I'm letting myself down.