Best Laid Plans... Suck Again!

It was a long night. Here I was four miles from Mansfield, Ohio... In a ditch. It was a very long night.

Well, I wasn't dead. As far as I could tell, I wasn't bleeding, and I was right-side up. Good signs so far. I turned the key, the car wouldn't start, but I used the wipers to brush off the pile of snow. In front of me was a guardrail, and the road I was supposed to be on. Pulling myself from the car, I was greeted in the face by blinding headlights and a phantom voice.

"You allright?"

"Yeah, I'm good to go!" I felt like I had to shout over the sound of his semi.

"OK... Well, I'll try and get some help for you. You can get in the truck, and get out of the cold."

I tried to start the car a few more times, nothing but the whine of the starter. I grabbed my coat from the passenger seat and headed for the bright lights. The trucker opened up the cab for me and I climbed in. This wansn't my first time in a truck, but it had been a while. The trucker went around and climbed into the drivers side, and greeted me with a warm smile. He started fiddling with knobs and such, reported the accident on his CB. He told me he had seen it, and it appeared that I had fallen asleep. Being that I don't remember much of it, and I don't often drive myself into ditches for sport, I confirmed his guess. I had been sleepy for quite a bit.. basically since I stopped to see my mother in Columbus. As we were talking, the passing truckers started complaining about us, so he turned off the CB. We talked about this and that for a bit. Apparently, he was going to a Bible school just north of Columbus, studying to be a pastor.

The cop was a typical hard-nosed Ohio State Trooper. Although, this guy had apparently had a slow night, and was just thankful he had something to do, if it was only taking a report, and talking to some punk about Springfield Missouri. He hated Ohio weather, so he was asking about 'Out West', where we hardly get snow. He stuck around only long enough to see that the tow truck latched onto my car, then I suspect he went to get some coffee, and deep-fried dough rings. (if you catch my drift.. bahohohoho.)

There he was, glorious as could be, a blinking yellow halo shining round about him. My Towtruck Driver. We tried again to start my bohemoth, and again, nothing. He got out his chains and his hooks and dug right in to the deep snow. I stood around with the proverbial thumb, in my proverbial you-know-where. I just paced, mulling over the various worst-case scenarios playing like movie previews in my brain.

After removing my car from the snow and changing the flat tire, we tried to start my beast once more. It didn't start. It did, however, dispense about half a gallon of fuel all over the ground. I crammed myself into the cab, along with the driver's sleeping daughter. We headed for my bastion of hope, Cook Road Baptist Church. It was the only place I had ever heard of in Mansfield, besides The Reformatory. I think the church seemed a bit more welcoming.

...To Be Continued...

My Eye! To Be Continued... I and you were fools to think that there would ever be an ending to that post. basically.. I live. If you want to know the semi-amusing details, ask me sometime.. if you would like to read them, bring a typewriter when you ask. ...Have a great day!